Here I am in the middle of class
That dreaded feeling, a raw, itchy ass
I feel it coming, it’s gonna be loud
Maybe the noise will get lost in the crowd
They’re all gonna hear it, they’ll know it was me
I only can pray for a quick SBD
This is the price for that vegetable medley
Now I’m embarrassed – it was noisy and deadly

(To the tune of "Just What I Needed" by The Cars)

I went to the CVS
To get myself a treat
I couldn't decide what I should get
I just want something to eat
I asked the lady what was good
What would she buy if she could
She told me just to walk away
Forget about the treat

I asked her what did she mean
I couldn't believe what she had seen
I thought it must be urban lore
What people do inside that store
The lady cringed and shook her head
I couldn't believe just what she said
This is not the place to be
To get yourself a treat

Some people fart on the Cheez Its
Some people fart on the Twix
Some people fart on the Razzles
And they fart on the Chex Mix

I went to the CVS
To get myself a treat
I asked her to clarify
What people do with their brown eye
But I don't mind a little gas
Even from a stranger's ass
I wanna be one of the guys
And fart upon the treats

And so I'll fart on the Cheez Its
And so I'll fart on the Mounds
I'll fart on the Nutrageous
I'll turn that white chocolate brown

Some people fart on the Cheez Its
Some people fart on the Twix
Some people fart on the Razzles
And they fart on the Chex Mix

And so I'll fart on the Cheez Its
And so I'll fart on the Mounds
I'll fart on the Nutrageous
I'll turn that white chocolate brown

Today I sharted
Thought I had farted
My anus was guarded
But the feces departed
I tried to hold it, but the turds, they outsmarted
I shit my pants, God I’m retarded

I walked up to the hot dog cart
Ate too many and began to fart
My stomach hurt, I started to dance
Took another step and ruined my pants
I shouldn't have eaten all of that chow
What will my dry cleaner think of me now