(To the tune of "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen)

Is this my rectum?
Nobody understands
Smells like a sewer
No escape from my anal glands

Look into my eyes
Butter up my thighs and flee...
I'm just a fat ass
I need no broccoli
Because I fart real fast
Fart real slow
Bend me down
There I go
This is how my wind blows deadly fecal splatters from me
From me

Mama, just killed a man
Pressed my ass against his head
Then I farted, now he's dead
Mama, I had just had lunch
And then I went and farted in his face
Mama, ooooh, didn't mean to let one fly
If I'm not feeling better by tomorrow
Run away, run away
From my deadly fecal splatters

Too late, another one
I can feel it in my gut
And it's heading for my butt
Goodbye everybody
My ass will blow
Gonna shoot from my behind a killer toot
Mama, ooooh, my farts are gonna fly
I sometimes wish I'd never broke wind at all

I see a deadly cloud of my fart remnants
Run away, run away
Or you'll smell just like my pants
Cramping and I'm farting
Very, very startling, see?
Oh, my asshole, Oh, my asshole
Oh, my asshole, Oh, my asshole
Oh, my asshole let one go
Magnifico-o-o-o

I'm just a fat fuck nobody loves me
He's just a fart face from a shit family
Spare us the smell that is so rectum-y
Farting fast, farting slow
Should I let one go?

Jesus Christ! No, you should not let one go!
Let one go!
Jesus Christ! You should not let one go!
Let one go!
Jesus Christ! You should not let one go!
Let one go!
Should not let one go!
Let one go!
Should not let one go!
Let one go!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Oh mama mia, mama mia
Oh mama, please don't let one go
The Taco Bell has burritos set aside for me
For me, for me!

So you think you can cork me, well give it a try
So you think you can stop me til my ass runs dry
Oh baby, can't do shit to me baby
Just gotta rip one,
Just gotta rip one from my rear

Deadly fecal splatters
Squirting out of me
Deadly fecal splatters
Deadly fecal splatters from me

Any way my wind blows...

I’ll always decide
To eat beans refried
I put ‘em away by the pound

After a plate
I just sit back and wait
For that beautiful sputtery sound

If I bend over just right
And use just enough might
I propel myself right off the ground

My asshole is really expressive
The farts I release are excessive
When my gases all frolic
My butt becomes Pollock
And the stains in my shorts are impressive

Sometimes what I do takes persistence
The people I know keep their distance
But I love to fart
So if people depart
That’s the price for my gaseous existence

It’s time for my five o’clock feeding
Burritos are what I’ll be eating
It's one meal that I’ll be completing
Some advice that don’t need repeating
If you’re near me you should be retreating
Cause my stomach and ass had a meeting
I’m gonna fart til my sphincter is bleeding

(To the tune of "You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC)

She was a gas machine
She liked her refried beans
She was the best damn farter that I ever seen

She liked her shepherd's pies
Wore a larger size
Knocking me out with her formidable thighs

She had stained underwear
From expelling her air
She crapped in her pants and didn't even care

Well her ass was shakin'
Her butt cheeks quakin'
Her stomach achin'
From too much bacon

And she, farted all night long
Yeah she, farted all night long

She farted really loud
And it made me proud
Hasn't been a gas cloud
That she disavowed

Farting like a boss
She liked her salad tossed
Had a meal fit for three
And all hope was lost

They had a special sound
Turned her undies brown
Now I'm wondering when
She'll be farting again

Cause her ass was shakin'
Her butt cheeks quakin'
Her stomach achin'
From too much bacon

And she, farted all night long
Yeah she, farted all night long

They knocked me out when she
Farted all night long
Her ass was shakin when she
Farted all night long

Yeah she farted
Yeah she farted

She really farted and she
Farted all night long
Yeah she, farted all night long
Yeah she, farted all night long
She really farted and she
Farted all night long

Yeah she farted
Yeah she farted
All night long

I remember way back at my junior high prom
I felt pretty strange - my anus was calm
When out of the blue, some thing unexpected
I thought I felt fine til my ass interjected
I tried to deny it, but my face turned bright red
My date knew the truth and she turned and she fled
I'll never forget the pants that I messed
And so I was voted the smelliest guest