Sometimes what I do takes persistence
The people I know keep their distance
But I love to fart
So if people depart
That’s the price for my gaseous existence

It’s time for my five o’clock feeding
Burritos are what I’ll be eating
It's one meal that I’ll be completing
Some advice that don’t need repeating
If you’re near me you should be retreating
Cause my stomach and ass had a meeting
I’m gonna fart til my sphincter is bleeding

(To the tune of "You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC)

She was a gas machine
She liked her refried beans
She was the best damn farter that I ever seen

She liked her shepherd's pies
Wore a larger size
Knocking me out with her formidable thighs

She had stained underwear
From expelling her air
She crapped in her pants and didn't even care

Well her ass was shakin'
Her butt cheeks quakin'
Her stomach achin'
From too much bacon

And she, farted all night long
Yeah she, farted all night long

She farted really loud
And it made me proud
Hasn't been a gas cloud
That she disavowed

Farting like a boss
She liked her salad tossed
Had a meal fit for three
And all hope was lost

They had a special sound
Turned her undies brown
Now I'm wondering when
She'll be farting again

Cause her ass was shakin'
Her butt cheeks quakin'
Her stomach achin'
From too much bacon

And she, farted all night long
Yeah she, farted all night long

They knocked me out when she
Farted all night long
Her ass was shakin when she
Farted all night long

Yeah she farted
Yeah she farted

She really farted and she
Farted all night long
Yeah she, farted all night long
Yeah she, farted all night long
She really farted and she
Farted all night long

Yeah she farted
Yeah she farted
All night long

I remember way back at my junior high prom
I felt pretty strange - my anus was calm
When out of the blue, some thing unexpected
I thought I felt fine til my ass interjected
I tried to deny it, but my face turned bright red
My date knew the truth and she turned and she fled
I'll never forget the pants that I messed
And so I was voted the smelliest guest

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

sprayed with my
farts

the smell killed the
chickens

Eating those tacos wasn't so bright
Several bites in and I just didn't feel right
My gut started churning and made a weird noise
And so I bent over, with grace and with poise
"This one's for Frida" I shouted out loud
And let out a stinker that would make Frida proud
I don't think I've ever laid a fart that was wetter
And when it was over I felt so much better

I cause people near me to faint
Pleasant is something I ain’t
I get a real kick
Out of making folks sick
When they smell what comes out near my taint